I took the morning off because I thought the doctors office would want me to come in this morning for my beta rather than right after school yesterday. I was already scheduled for tomorrow morning for the beta check they make me do just to see if it's safe to stop progesterone. It was supposed to actually be this morning but they were booked up before school started. So since I knew that I went ahead and put in for a sub.
Wow....that was all unnecessary information, lol. I guess all I needed to say was I have the am off and nothing to do!
Last night I wrote that my pregnancy test might be getting darker but for the record I think I was being a Negative Nancy because it's waaaay darker. Well maybe not waaaay but it's darker! I'm content. I'm positive I'm pregnant today. And I'm doing my best to only focus on TODAY.
If I let myself think about trying to get through the next 36 weeks I think I'll lose it. So I just need to get through today.
I'm still not excited. But I'm getting there. Slowly. I also find that I'm missing Hannah and Audrey more than ever right now. Being pregnant again makes me remember what it felt like with them and just how much I loved being pregnant with them. I joke with Brian that the third time has to be a charm because my short fingers can't hold a third remembrance ring!
I called my mom yesterday to tell her. It was kind of a humorous conversation. With Hannah we made a big announcement on Christmas morning with a gift for everyone that included her ultrasound picture. With Audrey we went to their house with the test in hand. But with this baby I just called. And I said dryly, "well, I'm pregnant." My mom said, "Oh, okaaay." I told her she could tell Dad but no one else.
And I know it's not that she isn't happy but she's just like me. It's scary. Our conversation sounded like we were discussing the weather which kinda made us laugh.
So glad you've gotten a definite positive. I hope your betas are good!
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean about trying to just focus on today. I've been there, too.
Thinking of you and remembering Hannah and Audrey.
I'm thrilled for you obviously! I know that terrified feeling too, but take it one day at a time, enjoy what you can and know that the fear doesn't leave, but it gets better for the most part! You need a Doppler for once you hit like 13 wks. It helped me not freak out nearly as much! I got mine on amazon for like $100. Worth.every.Penny!!! But don't order too early or you'll just stress yourself out!! Who is your OB? Will they bring you in frequently for u/s? I went every two weeks until 12, then @ 16, 20,maybe 24? I don't know Cala has like a zillion u/s pics! I'm so happy for you and praying like a mad woman that this is it! And I have a very serious gut feeling it is!!! (I've always been right, with my pg and friends as to if they were gonna last!). Oooh! This means your baby and Cala will have very close bdays! I found out I was pg w/her on Halloween! Yea!
ReplyDeleteAlso, (just had to add) you'll be so glad you have this private blog some days when you are pg b/c you'll want to vent things that you just can't say to everyone!!! I wish I had had one!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you...truly and really! If you ever feel like chatting, feel free to email me - I was kind of in disbelief too, and now at 18 weeks I'm only starting to get used to the idea that we will hopefully have a take home baby this time. Praying for a healthy pregnancy for you and Brian. Hugs!!!
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