I'm glad for the pain.

Once this physical pain is gone then I'll have to deal with all the emotional. I don't want to. I don't have it in me.

And it's over.

The pain became unbearable and Dr. Vandermolen wanted me in immediately. He met me at the ER and we did surgery. I just got home. It was definitely ectopic and I've lost my right tube.

I'm in complete shock.

This was never even a possibility to me. I was prepared for another miscarriage (as prepared as one can be) but an ectopic was never on my radar. I literally cannot believe I just had surgery and lost my right tube.

What the fuck God? I know He won't give more than I can handle but this really seems like I've reached my limit.

I need some serious prayers

Dr Vandermolen (aka Ego) thinks I'm having an ectopic. Actually, that's me being really negative. I've either had a cyst burst or I'm experiencing an ectopic. I started having severe cramping on the right side a few hours ago so I went in. He did a vaginal exam and ultrasound.

The good news: no blood in my uterus.

The bad news: nothing in my uterus at all (but he swears that he wasn't expecting anything anyway at this point). There is blood in my right ovary and right tube. And possibly "something" there in the tube too.

He said there is a chance it's a cyst but it could also be ectopic.

So tired...this is great!

No, I'm not being sarcastic. I'm loving all of this. I mean sure I wish being pregnant gave me more energy but since it's just draining it all from me I'm okay with that too. Anything to be pregnant and anything to stay that way!

I had an all day workshop today. I honestly was looking forward to it. I'm pretty sure I told Brian that since I wouldn't be chasing around my 1st graders all day I expected to have more energy when I got off work.

Wrong.

We even were dismissed at 2pm. I came straight home. Crawled into bed and didn't wake up until 5:13!

I think if Brian ever gets off work he's taking his wife and baby out to eat!