I'm glad for the pain.

Once this physical pain is gone then I'll have to deal with all the emotional. I don't want to. I don't have it in me.

And it's over.

The pain became unbearable and Dr. Vandermolen wanted me in immediately. He met me at the ER and we did surgery. I just got home. It was definitely ectopic and I've lost my right tube.

I'm in complete shock.

This was never even a possibility to me. I was prepared for another miscarriage (as prepared as one can be) but an ectopic was never on my radar. I literally cannot believe I just had surgery and lost my right tube.

What the fuck God? I know He won't give more than I can handle but this really seems like I've reached my limit.

I need some serious prayers

Dr Vandermolen (aka Ego) thinks I'm having an ectopic. Actually, that's me being really negative. I've either had a cyst burst or I'm experiencing an ectopic. I started having severe cramping on the right side a few hours ago so I went in. He did a vaginal exam and ultrasound.

The good news: no blood in my uterus.

The bad news: nothing in my uterus at all (but he swears that he wasn't expecting anything anyway at this point). There is blood in my right ovary and right tube. And possibly "something" there in the tube too.

He said there is a chance it's a cyst but it could also be ectopic.

So tired...this is great!

No, I'm not being sarcastic. I'm loving all of this. I mean sure I wish being pregnant gave me more energy but since it's just draining it all from me I'm okay with that too. Anything to be pregnant and anything to stay that way!

I had an all day workshop today. I honestly was looking forward to it. I'm pretty sure I told Brian that since I wouldn't be chasing around my 1st graders all day I expected to have more energy when I got off work.

Wrong.

We even were dismissed at 2pm. I came straight home. Crawled into bed and didn't wake up until 5:13!

I think if Brian ever gets off work he's taking his wife and baby out to eat!

Beta #3

My third beta came back great at 203. And while for some reason I wish it was higher still I know that the only thing that matters is the doubling rate. And mine is more than tripling in 48 hours. but anxiety is getting me.

I'm feeling very, VERY pregnant. I've got incredibly sore boobs, extra emotional, tiny bit of queesiness in the very early am and around dinner time. I haven't had much heartburn since my last pregnancy and yet I've got it right now so I'm wondering if it's the beginning! I'm also fighting the urge to nap after work each day...wait, and on the weekend! And lastly, all I can think about is how I want a coca cola and some pepperoni! I don't even like pepperoni! Well unless it's on a pizza but I find it disgusting all by itself! Apparently, not anymore!

So to my knowledge I won't have any more betas. We went ahead and set up my first ultrasound for next Monday when I'm 5w4d along.

I can't wait!!!

A phone call

I got a call from Dr. Ego's office today at 5:23. I have no idea why and of course I was taking a nap and they didn't leave a message. Now I'm freaked out. What if my betas were all wrong?!

I don't really know how anything could he wrong but it just worries me since I wasn't expecting a call from them. and seriously they should know better than to not leave a freaking message when they call a panicked pregnant woman!

It made me cave and go buy more pregnancy tests. I just needed some reassurance that they weren't actually calling to tell me they made a mistake and my betas had dropped rather than risen. But thankfully the line is darker. I know that doesn't really mean much but for now it's all I've got.

While getting my pregnancy test at Walgreens I was actually hit on by the clerk! I mean really?!? I was buying a PREGNANCY test. I would have thought that was a turn off! Not to mention my wedding rings! Oh well...I suppose I was a little flattered too.

Four Weeks Today!

Today I am 4 weeks pregnant.

I'm so glad to be able to write that!

So I had my second beta and I'm happy to report great news. In only 40 hours it more than quadrupled to a 32!

I'm so, so, so, so, soooo freakin' relieved here!

I'll go back on Monday morning to test again and I'm quessing in that time frame we should expect it to quadruple again.